Solution-Focused VIP Mapping Exercise

A Transformative Exercise to Navigate Loneliness and Strengthen Connections

This exercise helps you reflect on your life’s very important presences (VIPs)—the individuals, influences, and conditions that shape your experiences. By exploring these presences, you’ll gain clarity about their impact, recognize your strengths, and take actionable steps to nurture connections, address challenges, and enhance your well-being.

Throughout this exercise, you will encounter scaling questions to assess your current situation, identify areas for growth, and plan your next steps. Scaling questions use a 1–10 scale, where 10 represents the best possible outcome, and 1 represents the opposite, to give you a practical way to reflect and measure progress.

Throughout this exercise, keep five simple yet powerful questions in mind: What else? How else? Who else? When else? Where else? These questions are designed to expand your sense of possibility. Each one serves a purpose: What else? Invites deeper reflection on your successes. How else? prompts you to explore alternative approaches. Who else? highlights the people who have supported you. When else? And where else? encourages you to identify when and where your strengths have emerged. Together, these questions uncover hidden potential, opening the door to new possibilities and paths you may not have considered before.

This exercise introduces the concept of “working the scale,” a solution-focused approach that uses a 1–10 scale to assess your current situation, identify strengths, and take actionable steps toward meaningful growth. The scale provides a structured way to reflect on where you are now, where you’d like to be, and the resources and actions that can help you get there.

How to Use the Scale

On the scale, 10 represents the best possible outcome, and 1 represents the opposite. Working the scale means going beyond selecting a number; it involves exploring your current number, what is already working, and what specific steps can help you progress. This approach encourages reflection, clarity, and intentional action in any area of your life—whether relationships, personal goals, or challenges.

The Value of Working the Scale

Working the scale offers a simple yet powerful way to reflect on your current situation and take meaningful steps forward. At its core, this process fosters hope, which can be understood as the combination of agency—the belief that you have the ability to influence your circumstances—and a plan that guides your actions. By engaging with the scale, you activate your sense of agency and create a clear, actionable plan, one small step at a time.
Scaling transforms reflection into action by helping you identify where you stand, recognize your strengths and resources, and pinpoint the next practical steps. Whether navigating relationships, tackling challenges, or pursuing personal goals, this approach equips you to move forward with clarity and confidence. It nurtures hope by blending purposeful action with a belief in your capacity to bring about meaningful change, turning possibilities into achievable progress.

Working the Scale: Guided Questions

Assess Your Current Situation

• On a scale from 1–10, where 10 is the best and one is the opposite, where would you rate yourself right now?
• What number represents a “good enough” for you?
• What would you be doing at a good enough number? What else?

Activating Your Agency, Strengths and Resources

• What keeps your current number from being lower?
• What else keeps it from being lower?

Incorporate Outside Perspectives

• Who would notice your current number?
• What number would they give you?
• What keeps their number from being lower?
• What accounts for the differences or similarities in your numbers?

Plan Your Next Steps

• If your number is good enough, what do you want to keep doing? What else?
• If your number is not good enough, what is one small action you could take to raise it?
• On a scale from 1–10, how confident are you in taking your next step?
• What gives you that confidence?

Solution-focused scaling is a transformative practice where you assess your progress on a scale from 1 to 10, not by the severity of your issues but by your ability to manage and thrive. A score of 10 represents mastery, while 1 indicates the opposite. This method emphasizes actions you’ve already taken that work for you and helps you plan further steps to achieve your goals. This approach ignites your sense of agency, allowing you to create a personalized, actionable plan.

Yourself as a VIP: Reflecting on Self-Worth

Start by recognizing your own achievements, self-care efforts, and what makes you uniquely valuable.

• What are you most proud of?
• What else comes to mind?
• What do you most appreciate about yourself?
• How have you cared for your needs recently?
• What does self-care mean to you, and how have you prioritized it?

Think about how others might view your self-care efforts:

• Who would notice you’re taking care of yourself?
• What would they appreciate about your efforts?

Rate Your Efforts

• On a scale from 1–10, how well have you been taking care of yourself?

Very Important Positive Presences (VIPPs): Cherishing Relationships

Focus on the people who bring positivity and support to your life.

• Who are the most important people in your life? Who else?
• What do you most appreciate about them, and what would they say they most appreciate about you?
• What do they know about you that gives them confidence in your success?

Rate Your Relationships

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with your relationships with these VIPPs?

Powerful and Problematic Presences (PPVIPs): Addressing Challenges

Sometimes, relationships or influences are difficult yet significant. Take a moment to reflect on these challenges.

• What relationships or presences in your life have been most challenging for you?
• How have you managed these relationships, and what boundaries have you set to protect yourself?
• What do you need to care for yourself in these situations?

Rate Your Coping

• On a scale from 1–10, how well have you managed these presences?
• On a scale from 1–10, how confident are you in making decisions to protect yourself in these relationships?

Spiritual VIPs: Reflecting on Meaning and Influence

Identify spiritual influences that guide or inspire you.

• Who are your most important spiritual VIPs? Who else?
• What do you most appreciate about them, and what would they say they are most proud of in you?
• What would their best hopes be for you?

Rate Their Influence

• On a scale from 1–10, how well have you incorporated their influence into your life?

Pets as VIPs: Celebrating Companionship

Recognize the unconditional love and joy your pets bring to your life.

• Who are the most important pets in your life, past or present?
• What do you most appreciate about them?
• If your pets could talk, what would they say they most appreciate about you?

Rate Your Bond

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with your relationship with your pets?

Home as a VIP: Finding Comfort

Your home is your sanctuary. Reflect on how it supports your sense of peace and comfort.

• What does home mean to you?
• What features of your home do you most appreciate?

Rate Your Comfort

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with your home as a place of comfort?

Nature as a VIP: Connecting with the Outdoors

Nature can be a powerful presence that nurtures and restores.

• What aspects of nature do you most enjoy?
• When have you experienced meaningful moments in nature? How were these moments helpful?

Rate Your Connection

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with your relationship with nature?

Community as a VIP: Appreciating Belonging

Communities play a vital role in shaping our sense of connection and purpose.

• What do you most appreciate about your community?
• What are you most proud of contributing to your community?
• What would your community most appreciate about you?

Rate Your Connection

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with your relationship with your community?

Other Influential VIPs: Exploring Unique Presences

Consider other influences that impact your daily life, such as transportation, food, substances, creative outlets, or technology.

• Transportation: What forms of transportation bring you joy? How does your commute affect your mood?
• Food: What meals have made you feel energized and satisfied? How have you created those moments?
• Substances: How do substances impact your health? Are they helpful or unhelpful?
• Technology: What tells you when social media or screen time is helpful or harmful?
• Creative Outlets: How do art, music, or other creative endeavors bring fulfillment?

Rate These Influences

• On a scale from 1–10, how satisfied are you with how these influences contribute to your well-being?

Reflection and Moving Forward

Take a moment to look at your responses. Which areas feel strongest to you, and which might need more attention? Use these insights to guide your next steps toward creating balance and fulfillment with the VIPs in your life.

By engaging with VIP questions, you can tap into the powerful influences that shape your life. Solution-focused thinking operates on two straightforward yet transformative principles: if something benefits you, do more of it; if it doesn’t, try something different. Applying this approach to supportive and challenging presences empowers you to make intentional, informed choices. By identifying your VIPs and reflecting on solution-focused questions, you create opportunities for growth, clarity, and thoughtful decision-making about the relationships and influences that matter most.